I apologize for the light blogging the last week or so. Even though I've been back nearly two weeks now, I haven't blogged much.
Partly it's because of the wealth of reading and DVD materials I've either received or bought in the last month. Much late night viewing of La Femme Nikita and Roswell has happened. Also, much weekend/late night reading: Last Chance Saloon by Marion Keyes, Kushiel's Chosen by Jacqueline Carey, A Theory of Relativity by Jacqueln Michard, a couple of series romance "novels", and the beginning of a book of Quantum Gravity have all been consumed since I've returned.
On the other hand, much digestion of emotional fallout and the things that happen because of deaths has happened too. Grandma T was a hard woman to love. I did though. I feel a bit hard hearted and callous however because her death does not make me sad. It does NOT make me glad, it just doesn't make me sad. On the other hand, I feel sad because I didn't know her better and that she made it hard to know her or like her. I'm also angry at her for being such a hard woman. Too, I feel weird joking about the things we found in her house (something like 50 ashtrays from lots of hotels and restaurants, same number of lighters - still in the package, etc). Lots more could be said in this vein, but I'm not sure I'd do any good trying. I'd just be trying to explain myself out of an emotional circle.
Anyway, I've had my away time, so things should get back to normal around here. If not right away, then soon.
Posted by Jinglelady at April 5, 2004 05:04 PM | GeneralAnna,
That's the same exact way I felt when my mom's father died. I hardly knew him. I may have met him twice in my life that I can recall. He also suffered from mental illnesses that went untreated for years, so even if I lived closer to him, I may have only known a shadow of a man. I didn't feel sad when he died. I felt sad for my mom, but even she didn't feel all too sad because he had been quite ill and miserable for so long.
You feel what you feel. To deny your feelings or to wish to feel a different emotion about something is being untrue to yourself. That isn't to say that it's wrong to change your feelings or emotions on something in time -- that's nautral too.
Posted by: Amanda at April 6, 2004 11:18 PM